The key to change...is to let go of fear."

well..im trying at least.

life is changing all the time...

Its been so long since I've really written and so much has happened.
Trent and I had our other wedding. It was truly beautiful.
The girls are almost 8 months old now. Watching them crawl brings happiness to me.

I miss home a lot. Some days are worse than others.
I don't like leaving the people I love the most.
You know who you are.


Life has its ups and downs right now.
But sometimes i really wish i could stay in the past while moving into my future.
I feel so young in my heart yet at the same time, so old and not ready to grow up.
But life moves so fast, sometimes it really just gets me.
It doesn't stop for anyone.

Life never does slow down and that's why it's so important to live in every opportunity.
Ive made a LOT of mistakes and sometimes wish I had made different choices but I know that everything happens for a reason.
take every chance. be who you are and love with all your heart.
Don't waste a second...

Im learning to let go of what I can't control.
Not my strongest at this.
I know the Lord will bless me and give me the patience I need.

Well, I'm rambling.

Don't worry..about a thing.
..every little thing..
.gonna be alright.

our wedding

Trent and I had our wedding on the 21st! It was beautiful and I loved every minute of it. However the week leading up to it was not so great...

Trent had to go out to the field at the beginning of the week so I decided to go home and spend time with my mom and let her see the girls. She had a accident that saturday and fell into the wall and shattered a picture with her face and she got 2 black eyes and a bruised up nose and she broke her foot tripping over the dog toy. So...she looked nice for the wedding :) haha. (actually by then she didnt look to bad) Trent left the field on Thur and wanted me to drive back to texas to get him. I couldnt cause I had things to do for the wedding. I suggested the bus but he wouldnt get off work in time to make it so I was so worried he was going to miss the wedding. Trent's mom found him a flight for about $300 that would get him home that night. It was a lot of money but we didnt have a choice so we did it. I went to pick him up at 11 30 that night and then the stupid airline lost our luggage which had my veil and toasting flutes in it. I was SO mad. They insured us however, that our luggage was in Dallas and it would be delivered the next day and it was so that turned out okay. I was glad to spend time with Trent. 4 days wasnt a lot but I missed him. I had a few things left to do but got everything taken care of. The day of the wedding, Teresa and I went to get our hair done and it didnt take long at all. I ended up messing up my hair on my dads viewfinder and had to re fix it. haha then we went to schnucks and got the rest of the corsages. We went home and got our stuff and headed downtown. Jon, our photographer showed up and took pictures of Trent and I before the ceremony . It was awesome! I felt like a princess. :) The rest of the bridal party showed up and before I knew it the ceremony started. It was awesome and turned out beautiful. Andrew Langi was there and I hadnt seen him in years so that was great. Everyone was so taken with him. haha. The cake was awesome and the food was great too. We all had such a good time. I was so tired by the end of the night. Trents family came over and brought us pizza but didnt stay long cause we were all tired. All in all, Trent and I had a great time and are so grateful for everyones love and support!

update

I really need to be better about keeping up with this. It's been awhile. Only 2 more weeks til the wedding! I'm super excited! Finally all this stress of planning is coming to an end. But then once it's over what am I gonna do with all this extra time?? haha. So lets see....Not that much has been going on. All the planning for the wedding is over with and i'm pretty much ready to go. Last week we all went to Sears and had family photos taken. That was fun. The girls did pretty well for their first time. I was pleased with the pictures. By the end of it, the girls were cranky and tired and ended up falling asleep. We finally got reimbursed for all the money theyve been taking out of Trent's paycheck so that was great. We needed money for new tires but couldn't afford it so it was a blessing we got paid that much . Jenny and I started talking again so that's good. :) I missed talking to her. Trent got me sick a few days ago and we ended up giving it to the girls. Poor girls. I feel so bad. We havn't gotten any sleep for the past couple days cause they wake up so much. I'm so exhausted . I'm so over this cold. But at least it's before the wedding and not during. That would be horrible! Heading back to st louis soon! I can't wait to see everyone! Well that's about it for now.

St Louis- 11 days
Wedding- 13 days!
My birthday- 22 days!

not a good day

Today is NOT a good day. Trent and I are so broke its ridiculous. We have NO money. Our paychecks are only 1200 a month and then rent is 650 of that and we have so many bills and somehow have to eat. We usually have less than 50 dollars to live on after everything is paid and bought. How the heck are we supposed to survive as a famil.y of 4 with $600 to live on every month. I am just so unhappy. To top it off I found out my mom is not doing well. I'm praying everything will be okay with her. I need my mom to be around for awhile. I just need a break...

Trent's Birthday

Today is Trent's 20th Birthday!! He's not too excited just cause he doesn't care much about birthdays...(hmmm sounds like my dad) but I'm excited for him. lol he's not a teenager anymore. Ha, were finally the same age.. but I turn 21 in a month and a half. It sucks we can't do anything but I am making him a nice dinner. :)

I LOVE YOU BABY!!

I am so profoundly grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ, for a testimony of the Atonement of the Savior. I believe in it with all my heart, and i live for it, an di bear witness of it this day. Of all of the events of human history, none other approaches the Atonement of the Savior in its meaning and in its results. God be thanked for the gift of His precious Son, to whom we all owe thanks for his sacrafice in our behalf.

We are a great family bound together in a unity of love and faith. our blessing is great as a people and as individuals. We carry in our hearts a firm and unshakeable conviction of the dicine mission of the Lord Jesus Christ. He was the great Jehovah of the Old Testament, the Creator who, under the direction of His Father, made all things, and with out him was not anything made that was made. (John 1:3) He was the promised Messiah who came with healing in his wings. (Malachi 4:2) He was the worker of miracles the great healer, the Resurrection and the Life. His is the only name under heaven whereby we must be saved. He came as a gift of His Eternal Father.(John 3:16). He condescended to leave His throne on high and come to earth to be born in a stable, in a conquered nation. He walked the dusty roads of Palestine, healing the sick, teaching the doctrine and blessing all who would accept him. ..

On Calvary's hill he gave His life for each of us. That is the greatest gift that any of us can ever recieve. It is the gift of the resurrection and eternal life (D&C 14:7) We honor his Birth. But without His death that birth would have been but one more birth. It was the Redemption, which He worked out in the Garden of Gethsemane and upon the cross of Calvary which he made his gift immortal, universal, and everlasting. His was a great atonement for the sins of all mankind. He is the resurrection and the Life. "the firstfruits of them that slept" (1 corinthians 15:20). Because of him all men will be raised from the grave.

We love him. We honor him. We thank him. We worship him. He has done for each of us and afor all mankind that which none other could have done. god be thanked for the gift if His Beloved Son--our Savior. I think tonight of the great occasion when Paul describes his experiences on the road to Damascus. He saw a light from heaven and heard a voice speaking unto him. ANd he fell to the ground and said " Who art thou, Lord". And Jesus said, "Rise and stand upon thy feet: for I have appeared unto thee...to make thee a minister and a witness..To open their eyes and to turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan unto God (Acts 26:15-16, 18) NOw i believe that same injunction given by the Lord to Paul applies to each of us, 'Rise' he sais, and stand upon your feet for i have appeared unto thee ...to make thee a minister and a witness. Each of us has a responsibility of standing as a witness of the everlasting truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

We live in a terribly complex time. We are confronted by very serious problems. SOme of us are faced with sickness, economic difficulties, with worry and concern over many matters. Our refuge, our peace, our well-being lie in walking in the way of the Lord. We live in a would of filth and immorality and trouble. Rise above it, stand taller, leave the world behind you, and walk as the Lord would have you walk. We have so much to offer. Other people do not understand the true nature of God. They are still bound by the old NIcene Creed of the fourth century, which i cannot understand. BUt we have a perfect knowledge of the nature of God that has come through the First Vision of the Prophet Joseph. He saw God. He heard him speak. He saw his son. The scripture says "This is life eternal, that they might know thee only true God. and Christ. whom thou has sent (John 17:3) That is a great and wonderful gift. We are his children. He does matter our nationality. It does not matter where we were born or whether our hair is light or dark. Each of us is a child of God. He is the great God of the universe, but he is also our Father, to whom we may go in prayer. Go out and preach the work. The first obligation laid upon this Church, even before it was organized, was the obligation to go out and teach the gospel. That has never been lifted, it has been with us ever since.

i AM A CHiLD OF GOD...