funny pictures...

haha really?



so i was bored and kinda blah so i decided to post funny pictures. I got a few laughs out of them. :) better day today. Jenny came over so it was nice to have human interaction besides my mom. Anyways, I'm exhausted and the girls are sleeping so i'm off to bed.

Stressed

so im in a horrible mood today.

It's probably a mix of things. I don't think I've ever been this sleep deprived in my life. Granted, i didn't expect anything different with twins but i seriously feel like I'm going to collapse. All the girls do is cry and I know their only 2 weeks old and i need to realize that's what newborns do but It's really discouraging when I can only calm them down for a short period of time and then they start fussing again. I feel like I'm doing something wrong. Idk. My husband is still away from me and I can't stand it. I feel so alone most the time and it's really hard being strong and not breaking down when I'm already so on edge from taking care of the girls and being so tired. I know it's not his fault and he can't help being away. He really loves being in the Army and i just want him to be happy so half the time i dont bother saying anything because I don't want to guilt trip him. I just miss him so much especially at night when the girls are both screaming and I want to cry and I don't have anyone to comfort me. He thinks I might have post partum depression. Idk if i do. I think i just need to adjust to being a mommy and suck it up.

Anyways, the girls had a doctors appointment today. The doctor just needed to make sure they weighed more than they did when they were born. They did. Alyssa is mommy's good eater. She was 6.3 at birth and now shes 7 lbs exactly. She eats so much! I can hardly pump enough to feed her let alone her sister. Savannah doesn't eat as much but she's still doing great. She weighed 5.10 at birth and now is 6.3. I'm just so happy their both doing well and gaining the appropriate amount. I was really worried because for some reason my body doesn't seem to be able to produce enough milk. Every feeding I can only make 2 ounces...which was fine at first but as their continuing to grow, I should be making more. Hopefully there is a pill or something I can get on to be able to make enough for them. Right now I'm having to give them a little bit of formula if I cant cover it. Hopefully things turn around cause i really don't want to start having to buy formula. Plus it's not as healthy anyway.

Blah anyways, the girls are sleeping and my mood is going down by the minute so I'm off to bed.

Life's been getting more real everyday. Sometimes i sill wish i was in the hospital so other people could help me take care of the girls. Reality has kicked in and i know i have to step it up a notch, which sometimes feels impossible because i'm already so sleep deprived. Blah...

The last few days have just kinda been a blur. I'm still getting adjusted to my new sleep schedule, which is no sleep at all, and being a new momma. its been so great having Trent home to help me with the twins. He's such a good dad, he loves his girls so much. :) Plus it's great to just have him here with me to snuggle up next to. :)

Yesterday was his last full day at home so we decided to get out and run some errands and go out to lunch. We went shopping and then stopped at O'Charley's for lunch. It was pretty good. Came home for a little bit then ended up going out to see When in Rome. I liked it but Trent thought it was stupid. lol Typical guy. ;)

Ugh the next few weeks are gonna be really stressful for Trent and I....well mostly for me. I'm going to be headed up to Michigan to live with his family pretty soon and i really am hesitant about going. My life is here and everything i know is here. I have nothing up there and i guess im just scared about being alone without MY family or Trent being with me. I know i'll get over it and go anyway but it's just really hard to up and leave on a short notice. Everything is new for me and im dealing with it the best way i can. I just have so much going on and so much that I have to get done, I wonder if i can even do it sometimes. blah.

Trent left today :( I woke up really sad this morning. We layed around the house with the girls til i had to take him to the airport. He's on his way back to Georgia now and i miss him already :(

Anyways, the girls are sleeping so im gonna try to catch up on my sleep. Later.

my new life....

So lets see...its been a real long time. Recap over the last several months...

Since last time, Trent and I still had our issues. I moved in with him over the summer and things were okay. I lived there til the beginning of July and then moved back home. Trent left for basic training in August. That was really hard to be without him. We wrote letters back and fourth and they werent always pleasant. Around the end of October he had a family day down in Fort Benning and i flew down there to see him for the weekend. It was strange because we werent really together and things were kinda different for us. Once i got there things seemed like they were back to normal and he told me how much he still loved me and wanted what was best for us. He proposed to me on Halloween night and I became the luckiest girl ever :D

In December, he graduated from basic training down in Georgia. His family paid to fly me out there and spend the weekend. It was great! I loved being there to see him graduate and support him in what he wanted to do. :)Over the Christmas holiday he got to come home for 3 weeks and it was nice to have him here to help me while i was so miserable being pregnant. He finally got to meet all of my family. We had Christmas at my aunt Cheryl's house. Everyone really liked him and that made me really happy. My cousins also engaged so the family all seems a little overwhelmed with us 2 getting married soon. Im so excited though!!! Trent and I are getting married on the 29th of this month! :D


Trent and I got married on the 29th of December!!! We got married at the Butler Hill stake center. His family came down from Michigan to be there for us. My mom and a whole bunch of people from my ward were there. It was nice to have people there that supported us. Bishop was reading our vows and it was really hard to look Trent in the eye because i would start crying. It was the best day of my life. I love my husband so much and I dont know what i'd do without him.
February 8th 2010- I BECAME A MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had identical girls. :D Trent and I finally decided on names lol. Savannah Grace Bailey & Alyssa Rochelle Bailey. I had to have a C section because Alyssa was breech. I was so scared i was crying while they were giving me my epidural. My mom was holding my hand the whole time. They wheeled me into the OR and i remember seeing everyone around me and i started freaking out and shaking really bad. They put me on the table and waited for the drugs to kick in and i was so tired and out of it that i ended up falling asleep while they were operating on me. I woke up when I heard them pull out Savannah. Hearing her cry made me cry happy tears of joy and relief to know that she was out and all mine! They pulled out Alyssa about 30 seconds later. They cleaned them off and showed them to me and i cried harder. I was really sad though because Trent couldnt be home during the delivery but he got to come home shortly after they were born. Once they were done with my surgery they wheeled me to recovery for about an hour and Mom and Patty were there with the girls and i finally got to hold them. I was so shaky and tired that i could barely hold them. They took the girls to the nursery to be cleaned off and then I went up to my room. The next day Trent finally got there and I was so glad to see him! It def lifted my spirits cause i was so tired and just miserable from not sleeping. They brought the girls in so Trent could finally meet his little daughters. :) It was so sweet watching him look down at them and smile. I couldnt help but tear up a little bit lol. I stayed in the hospital til Friday to recover and then got to bring my little angels home with me finally :) I cant explain how happy and in love with my family i am. I couldnt ask for anything more. :)

Its funny how your life can change so much in a few months. I think since the last time i wrote my life went into a spiraling downfall. i made a lot of stupid decisions because i just wasn't happy at all with myself or how my life was going. It was a huge mistake that i have to live with everyday. i hurt people i really care about and most of all i hurt myself. things ended with trent and i and they ended badly. even though i know everything wasn't all my fault i still killed whatever was left. And it doesn't matter anyway because he'll never admit his hand in it. i had a few breakdowns along the way but i think each one helped me in someway. so many things happend between trent and i and it killed us both. he said horrible things to me and treated me so badly i never thought i would talk to him ever again. of course knowing my luck i had so bad things happen to me and he ended up coming to see me. seeing him again made me feel such strong emotions for him and they all came out when i started crying. he told me how he still loved me and cared for me but couldnt be with me because he didn't trust me. understandable. after that things started to get better for 2 weeks and we actually got back together for a day...then it all ended again. i think we went about 2 weeks without talking til i finally showed up at his house and made him talk to me. it was awkward but i wasnt expecting anything different. things ended up getting somewhat better to the point where we could hang out again. so things got better then he ended up getting a gf and i told him i was done and i walked out of his life. I cut commuinication with him. No calls nothing. He kept emailing me though trying to get me to respond to him but i didnt and it killed me to ignore the person i love. his gf apparently cheated on him and he wanted to talk to me cause he knew i cared but i didnt answer and it broke me. even though he didnt want me around i know he needed me and i hate myself for not being there for him.

Brian got off his misson on the 18th. He's still in Ogden right now with his family but he pretty much hates me and i have no idea why. He wont tell me oreven talk to me about anything. Bob calls me almost every day to let me know how things are going. He said that Brian needed to talk to me about things and not believe anything till he hears it from me. Bob said that he is being so brainwashed by his mother and hes listening to everything she says. I hate it! whatever ill get over it. i just hate losing friends

on a better note....my brother, sister n law and my new nephew came over yesterday. It was so awesome to get to see them and i finally got to see my little nephew, Roman! He's adorable!!! He was in such a good mood the whole day...smiling and being so calm. It was nice to catch up with them. I love when they come into town.

Isn't he adorable?? I think so. It just sucks cause they live in AZ so i don't see them too often. I'm so excited to be an aunt. But yeah, i guess for right now, i just have to sit back and wait. I guess there is no point in being upset about something i have no control over. Though its alot easier said than done..... It'll all get better in time..

recap...

So starting where i left off....

The last week of school was annoying. I had so much stuff to do and not enough time to get things done. I tried to play as much as i could. Me and amanda and Kelly went to Porter park to play. It was so fun!
I got done with school and our last sunday we decided to be silly and take pictures before church. It was so much fun lol we got all pretty. :) chelsey and amanda and I were all dancing around the kitchen. I think we were just so slap happy and excited that we were going home soon!


We all went out to dinner that day after finals were over. Applebee's was the choice. After stuffing our faces, we came home and cranked up some music and started our clean checks. I hate those. I was stuck with the kitchen again but oh well. We were all dancing around the house and cleaning our assigned areas. I moved on to my room and was trying to take the bricks out from under my bed. I asked Maia to help me and in the process of trying to flip my mattress over and move the bricks, she fell and scraped her knee on the bricks. ha ha . i felt bad but couldn't help but laugh. (earlier in the semester, she was walking home and totally tripped over her feet and fell. She scraped her elbows and knee's. ) I had to take the shuttle at 2 in the morning so i didn't even bother sleeping. We stayed up and watched 27 dresses for the millionth time that semester. :) It took me about 4 hours to get to Salt Lake. My flight was at 8. I had about an hour to sit and wait but it went by pretty fast because i was so excited. My flight was about 6 hours long and i was about to kill myself and everyone around me. We stopped in New Mexico and Texas. I slept most the time though since i stayed up that night. It was the first time i'd ever really slept on a plane. When i landed Trent was there to get me and i got to see Amanda! ha, it's awesome were both from St. Louis.

So, i came home and things started to fall back into place. I got to see the Dark Knight when i came home that night. Trent took me. I was sooo excited. That movie totally rocked. I got my job back at Bandana's which worked out really well.

Mayhem Fest at the Verizon Wireless Amp. I went with the whole gang. It was awesome! but so hot...That's pretty much all that's been going on since i've been home! But...i am now an AUNT!!! I"M SO EXCITED. Baby Roman came into the world yesterday. 7lbs 3 ounces. I'll post pictures when my brother gives me some. :)

Take care all!

<3 Randi