Its funny how your life can change so much in a few months. I think since the last time i wrote my life went into a spiraling downfall. i made a lot of stupid decisions because i just wasn't happy at all with myself or how my life was going. It was a huge mistake that i have to live with everyday. i hurt people i really care about and most of all i hurt myself. things ended with trent and i and they ended badly. even though i know everything wasn't all my fault i still killed whatever was left. And it doesn't matter anyway because he'll never admit his hand in it. i had a few breakdowns along the way but i think each one helped me in someway. so many things happend between trent and i and it killed us both. he said horrible things to me and treated me so badly i never thought i would talk to him ever again. of course knowing my luck i had so bad things happen to me and he ended up coming to see me. seeing him again made me feel such strong emotions for him and they all came out when i started crying. he told me how he still loved me and cared for me but couldnt be with me because he didn't trust me. understandable. after that things started to get better for 2 weeks and we actually got back together for a day...then it all ended again. i think we went about 2 weeks without talking til i finally showed up at his house and made him talk to me. it was awkward but i wasnt expecting anything different. things ended up getting somewhat better to the point where we could hang out again. so things got better then he ended up getting a gf and i told him i was done and i walked out of his life. I cut commuinication with him. No calls nothing. He kept emailing me though trying to get me to respond to him but i didnt and it killed me to ignore the person i love. his gf apparently cheated on him and he wanted to talk to me cause he knew i cared but i didnt answer and it broke me. even though he didnt want me around i know he needed me and i hate myself for not being there for him.